The weekend that is Metrocon is over.
Life can start flowing again.
There are so many things I want to say, but I can't say them.... not in writing, not out loud, not anywhere.
It is funny because while I have felt this way before, I had no problems holding it in, as it was me and my problems and my secrets that I had to keep. But now that my life has so many people in it, now that I have things I want to say to them and for them, the words bubble just under the surface. It is only thinking carefully about how much my life would change should I speak, that keeps it where it belongs, just behind my teeth.
For all of the stupid things I say, I am ever mindful of what might change a relationship. Because I know that someday the people I hold dear now will leave, or maybe I will leave them. But for now, the way my world is makes me content, I'm closer then I ever have been to having true friends, and I am glad to say that I shall never have better ones, as there is no such thing in this world for me.
Now I wonder if I should post this at all, for all the times I've gone over it and re-written it, should I leave it as is....? Because to me it seems even this may be saying too much.
Please don't try to find out what this means, or if it is about you, or about your friends, take it for what it is. I can't speak. And I won't speak. Because I love them all just the way they are.